


Immutable Power

by Nerdyesque



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-27 09:42:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5043427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdyesque/pseuds/Nerdyesque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can Veronica and Logan ever find their way back to love? First season is canon and AU world begins with episode "Normal is the Watchword" S2E1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Any Duncan fans, I would really not recommend reading this section, hell this story. I'm giving him the trial and execution (so to speak) he should've gotten from Veronica. Be warned there is some minor use of strong language. Otherwise, enjoy.

"Ah young love. Ain't nothin' like it!"

It took everything Veronica had to keep her smile friendly and noncommittal. She knew if she gave Logan even an inch, he'd smash his way through, and ruin her carefully rebuilt world. Duncan, on the other hand, couldn't prevent the scowl or the tense arm he slung around her shoulders, a move she detested because it smacked of territorial macho bullshit, and given their height disparity, knocked her off balance just a bit.

Logan smirked, his dark brown eyes twinkling malevolently as he stared at the two of them, his body propped up against the school bus. She unwillingly admired his long lean lines lovingly displayed in fitted yet loose jeans and tight green t-shirt beneath an open collared brown shirt.

Veronica recognized the green shirt because it was one she'd picked out for him when they were still dating, and he expected her to dress him, or at the very least choose clothes she liked for him, when they went shopping at the mall. Logan hadn't accepted their break up, and her subsequent relationship with Duncan gracefully, to say the least, and showed it every time their paths crossed in subtle and not so subtle ways.

"You crazy kids going on the field trip?"

"Of course. Aren't you?" Veronica fervently hoped he said no because she had no desire playing ref between the two former friends during the bus ride. She also didn't want to deal with the heated memories that spooled between her and Logan whenever their eyes caught, their skin touched, or hell, they breathed the same air. She just wanted to have a good day with her boyfriend and forget Logan Echolls ever existed.

His smirk widened into a full smile, the beauty of which still managed to catch her off guard because he did it so rarely, and it was a little like finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

"As a matter of fact, no, I'm not. I have a hot date and she doesn't like to be kept waiting." The lascivious bite to his words and the quirked brow spelled out his exact intentions for the day, and Veronica felt her hands fisting in anger. It was hypocritical for her to be upset about him moving on, but it bothered her more than she could bear to admit (even to herself) that he would look at another girl with melting brown eyes, that this girl would hear the sexy growl when she touched him  _right there_ , or she would feel his body shuddering in delight, his face slack with awe.

Logan and Veronica never had intercourse, but they'd lain flesh to flesh, their hands, mouths, and tongues finding hills and valleys and ridges as pleasure coursed as thick and slow as honey, until flushed and damp and replete, they'd twined around the other like a sexual ying and yang, an eternity symbol of desire and heart-felt emotions.

 _Obviously just on_ my _side_ , Veronica thought viciously, studiously ignoring the bald fact she'd broken up with him and moved on with Duncan without much of a by-your-leave.

"Just remember to suit up. I wouldn't want you to catch anything permanent." She turned to Duncan with an acidic smile. "Honey, do you still have any of those condoms left from the other night? Be a friend and give them to Logan." She snuggled into Duncan and turned her eyes back to her ex's smoldering face. "It's not like we can't get more from the store."

Logan was nearly incandescent with rage, his hair seemingly standing on end with the force of his emotions as he glared holes into Duncan's head. Veronica knew he hadn't accepted their break up, had figured they'd get back together ala the Lilly-Logan Era, and believed she was just having a fling to work out her anger issues with him. He was willing to let her have fun, but allow her to sleep with another boy? Inconceivable to his possessive caveman instincts because he planned on being her first (neither counted the drugged time at Shelly Pomeroy's party because she couldn't remember the act or giving consent).

Her traitorous heart urged her to recant her lie, to tell him she was still untouched, but the darker, harder Veronica 2.0 part of her stalled her tongue and allowed the untruth to remain. It was easier to shield herself, to drag herself from the Logan Vortex, if he felt betrayed and hurt. He was a boy who loved and hated with all his heart, who lived in a black and white world with good guys and bad guys, and now she'd be listed forever as enemy. There was no coming back from this.

"Thanks for the generous offer, Ronnie, but I'm stocked up. Costco is an awesome place to shop for the magnums because I can get them in bulk." The smirk was firmly in place, and Veronica strangely mourned the absence of the too brief smile, but reminded herself of what was at stake and to ignore the weak-willed "Ronnie." She was red satin, not petal pink any more.

Duncan, tired of being ignored by both parties, dropped his arm from Veronica's shoulders and grasped her hand. "C'mon babe, we need to get on the bus before it leaves without us." He tugged at her until she refocused on him and turned away from her dangerous ex, her skin flushing with heat as she felt Logan's covetous eyes caressing her.

"I'm going to miss you," he murmured in a low gravelly tone, his finger hooking the palm of her free hand as she passed him. The familiar feeling of electricity hummed and crackled between them, her gaze helplessly lifting to his, memories reflecting and refracting between them until Veronica felt she stood on the edge of a crumbling ledge with no way to safety. She was extremely glad she wore her green jacket over her fitted tee because otherwise the boys would see the gooseflesh rippling up her arms and peaking her nipples. The edged grin Logan flashed told her he knew how she was reacting to him, and it gave her the strength to break free of him and walk away.

"Was that little display necessary?"

She huffed. "He started it!"  _Oh good going, Veronica, sound like a freaking five-year-old._

"If you just ignore him, he won't bother you any more and will just go away."

 _Just like I did last year, Duncan?_  Veronica grimaced at her involuntary thought, chiding herself for being uncharitable. They'd hashed out the reasons why he broke up with her without actually breaking up with her, and she'd forgiven him.  _Haven't I?_

She walked down the narrow aisle between the seats and chose one in the middle, refusing to look out the window to see if Logan was still standing there.

"Babe, what're you doing? Lets sit in the back with Dick, and Beav, and the others."

Veronica shot an incredulous look at her boyfriend, but he was already walking away, voice raised in exultation at finding his loyal subjects.  _Gee, Duncan, why wouldn't I want to sit with the guy who brought his brother into the same room as unconscious me and encouraged him to rape me so he could be considered a man? Or sit with the people who made the last year a living hell because Logan commanded it and you were ignoring me?_

"You with me or not?"

_Isn't that the million dollar question? Either I'm in this fully with him or I'm not. I can hold on to the anger and blame, or I can get over it and go sit with his idiotic friends and act like I don't have a care in the world._

Sighing deeply, she stood and walked towards the back and sat down next to Duncan. He immediately put his arm around her and hugged her into his body. She smiled faintly, but squirmed a little until there was some breathing room between them. There was a time and a place for PDA and now, surrounded by her enemies, was not one of those times.

The ride seemed interminable, especially with Dick complaining about the dead body smell in the back, but Veronica tuned him out, brooding on the identity of Logan's "date". She'd been keeping track of him - the PCHers were out for blood after the pool burned down - and she hadn't seen him with anyone of importance, unless he was with someone who didn't go to their school. Not knowing who Logan was sleeping with was driving her nuts because she didn't want him to get hurt, especially if the girl was only with him because of his father's infamy.

 _Yes, that's the_ only _reason you care. Admit you're jealous of anyone Logan fucks, Veronica Mars!_

_Shut up Lilly. There's no reason to be jealous! He's a free man, no ties or obligations to anyone._

_He_ wanted _you! Gawd, he so pathetic without you I can't bear to even look at him, much less haunt him. He seems to have gotten over fabulous me fast enough._

_He still thinks about you._

_As well he should. I'm Lilly-fucking-Kane. But chickie, he loves you in a way he couldn't love me. Mostly because I wouldn't let him. Why are you with the Donut again?_

_I love Duncan, and he's so much healthier than Logan._

_Sure, so healthy he spent the last year a walking zombie, and not mention how he ignored the abuse you were taking by the other 09ers. If I could just kick the shit out of him. I told you you were better without him. You're sliding back into yellow and white cotton instead of red satin!_

_No I'm not!_

"Earth to Mars, Earth to Mars." Her boyfriend's husky voice interrupted the imaginary argument she was having with his dead sister.

Veronica rolled her eyes. "That never gets old."

"Babe, you haven't said a single thing in the past two hours. Hell, you're standing in a food line and haven't put anything on your plate."

She looked down at table covered with truly stellar food selection and then back up to Duncan's dear face. "Yeah, sorry, had a late night of surveillance for a case I'm working. I'm not really a big fan of this, but don't tell my dad I ever said it. He thinks I actually watch the game instead of staring blindly at the screen with glazed eyes."

Duncan grinned, his straight white teeth a great advertisement for the value of orthodontia. "Trust me, Ronnie, I try not to tell your dad much of anything." He leaned in close to whisper into her ear. "He has a gun and he's not afraid to use it. I'll let him tell me what to think about baseball."

Veronica chuckled, but couldn't help the slight shudder of rejection at the use of "Ronnie." She wasn't that girl anymore; she wasn't the long-haired virginal lady-in-waiting to Lilly's Neptune Queen who thought second base was risque. Only Logan called her that now and it just didn't seem right for Duncan to as well.

"Actually, Duncan, if you don't mind could you  _not_  call me Ronnie? It reminds me too much of ..." her voice trailed off as flashes of memories threaded through her mind.

"Logan." The flat tone was reminiscent of the god awful robot he'd become in the aftermath of Lilly's death.

"I didn't meant it like that. Yes, it reminds me of Logan, but not in the way you're thinking. I'm not Ronnie any more. I'm Veronica Mars."

Duncan's stiffness faded as confusion took its place. "I know you're Veronica Mars. Trust me, I've known your name since you were twelve."

"I just mean, I'm a Veronica, not a Ronnie."

"Ok, if you want." He kissed her cheek, "I have no intention of reminding my beautiful, intelligent, and cute girlfriend of her ex anyway. Bad form."

"And we all know the Kanes always have to be in good form." Veronica sighed at Duncan's slight frown. "Sorry, sorry, meant as a joke, but I didn't bring the funny today apparently."

"No, you packed light!"

 _Okay, nothing to panic over just because we don't make cute with the witty banter. It's not like Duncan's ever really been_ that  _guy. He was more the straight-shooter, the truth-speaker of the Fab Four; the boy who would be president. It was always Logan and I who were the sarcastic...stop brain, stop thinking about_ him!

Veronica resolved then and there to wipe her mind of all non-Duncan and Shark related thoughts because this wasn't going exactly as she planned, and she had no intentions of letting Logan Echolls spoil her afternoon with her attentive boyfriend. Sure she was surrounded by people she disliked and who reciprocated the feeling, and sure she wasn't exactly a huge fan of baseball, but was that really a reason to be all broody hen? Things couldn't get any worse.

Of course, this was Neptune and Veronica swore to herself she wouldn't tempt the Fates again.

"Um, Duncan, I have no intentions of riding back to Neptune High with those...mor...friends of yours."

Duncan sighed and rolled his eyes. "Babe, Dick had a valid point. The bus really did stink and it's not like you need to chip in to pay if that's what you're worried about. His dad sent their personal limo to pick us up."

_Wow, Duncan, way to make a poor girl feel special._

"It's not that. I just can't stand Dick and ..."

"Jesus, Veronica. I know you've had difficulties in the past with him, but surely you can be the bigger person here? I'm going to be there and it'll be fine."

She had no intentions of riding in a closed vehicle with two of the three males who'd seen her at her most vulnerable and did nothing to help her. Duncan tried cajoling some more, but gave up after a few minutes of her stubborn rejection, and retreated to the luxurious car instead of opting to take the bus with her.

The voice - the one she dubbed Lilly because it always sounded like her - pointed out Logan would never have left her side and would've braved the stench if she was that adamant about not riding with Dick and Beaver. And if he truly couldn't abide the smell, he would never suggest she ride with boys she was wary of; instead he would've booked their own town car and spent the time trying to seduce her in the backseat.

Veronica shook off the voice and reminded herself she was with Duncan and couldn't keep comparing the two. It wasn't fair to either of them because she had ended her relationship with Logan, even if it wasn't for his ex-friend as Logan kept accusing.

The bus came to a stop with squeaking brakes which did not inspire confidence in the reliability of the vehicle. Ms. Dumass gave them ten minutes to stretch their legs and get a drink before they needed to continue on back to the school; her muttered tone and dark looks at the driver made her opinion very clear about having to stop for gas when he could've gassed up during the several hours they spent at Shark Stadium.

As Veronica came out of the convenience store, she took a sip of water and mentally girded herself for another hour of brainless chatting, wishing she'd thought to bring her latest case file with her to look over. As her foot came off the small curb, a familiar trilling laugh whipped around her like a mini whirlwind and she smelled  _Dark Passions_ , Lilly's signature perfume, as if her friend were hugging her. Chills strung through her body and goosefleshed her arms and the back of her neck; a quick darting motion of the corner of her eye resolved itself into a green and white blur, the colors of the pep uniform Lilly wore when she died.

Reflexively Veronica sought out the bright yellow bus and saw the driver was still standing at the pump, a tired and frazzled expression on his face. It looked like she had a few more minutes before they would leave, so she followed the ghostly mirage of her dead best friend around the corner.

Yet no matter how quickly she followed Lilly down the alley, a narrow stinking run between the convenience store and an empty run-down building beside it, she couldn't seem to catch up. Finally she came to a head-tall brick wall, a large Dumpster crookedly leaning against it filled with stomach curdling garbage. Veronica sighed dispiritedly as she acknowledged the near violent desire for Lilly to be real again, not merely a figment of her overtired brain.

She loved Wallace, she did, and appreciated everything he did for her, but he wasn't the best friend who intimately knew two of the three most important men in her life. Veronica adjusted her messenger bag and resigned herself to the truth as she walked back around and towards the front, only dully registering the parking lot was empty. It took nearly three minutes of frantic searching before she finally accepted she was stranded thirty miles from home.

"Of course this would happen to me," she groused as Duncan's phone clicked over to voice mail immediately. She hung up without leaving a message and tried her next phone buddy, but Wallace didn't pick up either, and Veronica belatedly remembered he was probably at basketball practice so he wouldn't be available for another few hours. Keith was in Nevada on a bail jumper run for the next few days, so he wasn't an option. She could try Weevil, but there was no guarantee he would answer either, especially after their argument a few weeks ago about her dating Duncan, and the power of the head tilt lost something during a phone conversation.

_Veronica Mars, you're being stupid . Call Logan! He'll come pick you up._

_No. I have no need to disrupt his private time with another woman._ The familiar grumble and groan of a large engine caught her attention and she spied a city bus toddling its up the road.  _I'll catch that - sure it'll take me forever to get home, but at least I won't inconvenience anyone._

_You're a stubborn, stubborn, girl._

_Shut up, Lilly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how I interpreted the scene (sure, sure I subtracted/put words into their mouths, but all's fair in LoVe and war, right?). I hadn't originally intended for the bus part to be in the story, but yet when I put hands to keyboard, this is what came out, and it actually made more sense than what I had planned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always found it interesting that Logan never expressed an opinion on the abuse of the Manning girls, especially since it mirrored his own family life in a lot of ways. This little story wouldn't go away no matter how many times I pushed it out of my mind, so finally I had to write it so it would stop burrowing into my dreams.

Logan followed the sounds of weeping down the hall, unsure why he even cared. He wasn't exactly known for his empathetic nature, so this was definitely uncharacteristic of him, but whoever the girl was, she wasn't crying in the one tear drip down the cheek Hollywood style, but in an uncontrollable-hands beating chest-hair tearing sort of way.

It was fucking scary, to be honest.

Shock and sharp concern stabbed through him when he pushed the girls' bathroom door open - now forever associated with Veronica and illicit make out sessions - and saw pretty Meg Manning sobbing near the sink. Her normally Barbiefied face was a mess, mascara running in lines and gross snot bubbling out of her nose. He awkwardly stood half in and half out of the doorway, balancing his weight on his toes just in case he needed to book it out of there.

Girls he knew just didn't do this. Lilly would've preferred buzzing her head bald over being caught crying in a public bathroom and Veronica's tears were forever frozen in the wasteland of her heart. Meg Manning was a cartoon princess he took little notice of except to remark how similar she was to Ronnie before everything happened.

"Uh...you okay, Meg?" he winced at his inane question because it was obvious  _something_  was wrong, but he didn't know what else to say. They weren't exactly friends, even if they ran with the same crowd, and she had dated his ex-best friend for a time.

She shrieked a little, blonde head popping up as her hazel eyes widened with horror at being caught. How she thought no one would hear her baffled him, but Logan never pretended to understand chicks.

Her mouth opened, presumably to respond, but no words emerged. Instead, she shuddered visibly, and hiccuped a few times as her hands hastily wiped at the disgusting goop all over her face. He sighed internally, before manfully walking inside to a stall and ripping off a string of paper from the roll to present to her. He ignored the flashes of memory taunting him with Veronica's moans and the feel of her breast beneath his fingers.

"Um, you have stuff...there and there..." Logan pointed, ignoring the flush in her cheeks. She thanked him in a barely audible voice and turned on the faucet to wet the paper.

"So, uh, I thought you were going to take the class trip to meet the Neptune Sharks."

"I was feeling sick, so I came into the bathroom. I guess I missed the bus, huh?"

Logan grimaced at the reminder of his meeting with Veronica and her  _boyfriend_  Duncan, hand in hand like they were the same fucking innocent fifteen-year-olds who dated before Lilly's death. It pissed him off - and hurt him though he refused to acknowledge the emotion - to see Ronnie back-sliding like the past two years hadn't happened. Like  _they_  hadn't happened.

"Yeah, you definitely missed the bus."

Meg's wiping motions stopped and her hand lowered as she considered him in the mirror. " _You_  okay, Logan?"

His dark brown eyes met hers and he grinned lopsidedly, "I'm not the one crying like a hysterical toddler deprived of his sippy cup." His smile disappeared when instead of laughing, her face blanched and whitened.

"Did-did he tell you?"

"Did who tell me what?"

"Duncan," she whispered, just before she keeled over into a dead faint. Logan managed to catch her before she hit the unforgiving tile, thankful for fast reflexes honed by years of surfing, and lifted her. He stood there for a moment unsure of where to place his burden, but knew he couldn't put her down any place in the bathroom since it was probably highly unsanitary.

Resigned to carrying her to his car, he started out the bathroom door down the emptied hallway, glad the last bell had rung and everyone was in their classrooms. He sure as hell didn't want to start any rumors about Meg, probably the last nice and decent girl at Neptune, so he walked as quickly as he could to where he parked the Xterra.

Logan discovered that while Meg was slender, she was still unwieldy, and nearly dropped her while trying to unlock his vehicle. When she was finally laying across his backseat, he couldn't help but snicker at the fact she was probably the only chick who'd ever made it back there without losing clothing in the process. His laughter stilled a moment later when he remembered Veronica was the last one back there, and he shut the door with a snap.

Since he didn't know where Meg lived, and had no intention of taking her back to his house, he drove aimlessly for a little bit before deciding on going to Dog Beach. By the time he pulled into the parking lot, he could hear her stirring, and he turned off the SUV with relief.

"What-where are we?" Her voice was husky, but blessedly free of impending tears.

"The beach."

"How'd we get here? The last thing I remember was talking to you in the bathroom."

"You fainted, but fortunately you had big strong manly me to catch you." He turned to blink his eyelashes at her in a ridiculous fashion. They weren't friends, but he wasn't prick enough to be mean to the distraught girl. She wasn't like a certain other nameless blonde who would just sass him right back with a fiery twinkle and the toss of her head, even if her soul was crushed and bleeding beneath the smile.

A shy smile pulled her lips into a curving pink bow. "Uh, you can take me back now. I'm okay."

Logan nailed her with a disbelieving look and hopped out of the driver's seat. He gallantly opened the back door for her and ignored the show of toned thigh as she slid out and her skirt rode up.

"We're already here and all of our teachers think we're on the field trip, so we might as well take advantage."

"I've never played hooky before," she confessed, her eyes demurely cast down.

If Logan didn't know Meg, he would think she was flirting with him, but everyone knew she wasn't that type of girl. No, she was a pale imitation of Veronica 1.0, right down to picking the same princeling. It made something ache inside to see the what-if older version of his dead ex-girlfriend's best friend, the girl irrevocably broken and remade in a red satin image.

How had Meg escaped the inexorable destruction encoded into the DNA of Neptune's children? She embodied the three Ps of good girls (prettiness, popularity, and purity) and looked like she was on track to leave this shit-hole with her soul intact. He could almost hate her for it, but she was just too nice, and hate was such an exhausting emotion these days.

"Well, I'm the purveyor of all vices, so let me show you how to do it right!"

The next hour passed in a blur of sno-cones, sand, and water, Logan tactfully refraining from asking her to explain her cryptic comment before she fainted, and Meg respecting the same code of silence when stray thoughts of Veronica and  _Duncan_  caused a ferocious frown to mar his suntanned face.

Their interlude of peace might've continued on indefinitely, but Logan's pocket vibrated and brought untenable reality crashing upon them in the same brisk manner of the waves a few feet from them. Reluctantly he lifted his hands from the sand bucket they'd found abandoned and were using to build a castle, and rooted through his jeans. Lust arrowed through him immediately when he recognized the number; for a brief moment he seriously contemplated ditching Meg so he could rendezvous with Kendall as previously planned, but he sighed and clicked ignore.

It was hard going back to the obligatory jackass who cared for little more than babes, beaches, and beer, especially when his companion had brought back the innocent pleasure and wonder he'd once associated with life before everything went to hell with the swing of a heavy ashtray.

"Who was it?" Meg asked hesitantly, her face downcast and hands trembling slightly as she patted more sand into her tower.

"No one important."

"It wasn't...um...a friend?"

He kept his face impassive, but he wondered if by friend she meant Duncan.

What the fuck was it about DK that brought such a flutter to young blondes' hearts? In terms of physicality, he was in shape, but no stud; emotionally he tended more towards robotic; mentally he was a blank slate ready to be written upon by his parents; and sexually he probably wasn't too experienced since he'd only slept with Veronica the one time and it was extremely unlikely he had Miss Priss Manning.

"Why are you so keen on knowing, Mom? I promise I'll be home by curfew," he joked, attempting to distract himself from fruitless speculations. It didn't matter what power Duncan had because Logan knew he could never topple the Golden Prince from his throne and it was stupid to think he should try.

At the word "Mom" Meg blanched again, her hands suddenly crumbling the castle they'd labored over. "He told you about the baby, didn't he? Is that why you're suddenly being so nice to me Logan? In the six years we've known one another, I can count on one hand how many times you've talked to me, but now you're taking care of me like we're bffs or something. Well, you can tell your buddy Duncan that I'm  _not_  gonna have the abortion no matter how what approach he tries ."

And with those simple words, Meg Manning demolished Logan Echolls' already shaky world, turning it upside down and shaking it like a snow globe while he desperately clung to hang onto the edges so he wouldn't slip off. DK, Donut, Duncan, Duncan Kane, Lilly's brother Duncan, Veronica's Knight in Shining Armor Duncan, had not only knocked up the last pure princess of Neptune High, but tried to buy her off, and then to top that heinous act, ditched her for another girl.

The irony of the perfect 09er prince fucking up where even Logan Echolls would fear to tread was too delicious not to indulge in a five minute-rolling on his back-knees tucked to his chest-gut busting laughter so he wouldn't cry-fit, ignoring the fearful look his companion flashed, her hand unconsciously going to her belly as if she sought to shield her child from his madness. Even Hollywood couldn't come up with a twist like this.

"No, no he never mentioned it," Logan finally admitted, wiping tears of laughter (not pain, no matter what his heart whispered) from his eyes.

"How-how-is this funny to you? I'm pregnant and my family doesn't know yet, and I don't know what I'm going to do." Her hysteria pierced his cloud of incredulity, and he laid a comforting hand on her arm.

"Don't worry, Veronica will fix it," automatically fell from his lips before his brain caught up with his mouth. Veronica always fixed things: that's what she did, it was who she was. The Righter of Wrongs. The Defender of the Weak. But telling this particular girl was probably not the wisest move.

"Oh please as if Veronica-fucking-Mars would lift one little finger to help the girl she stabbed in the back. She probably knows and is laughing at how...pitiful...damn hormones...I am now."

He wanted to chuckle at prim Meg Manning using the F-word, but the situation was too grim for levity, so instead he reached over the ruins of their castle and wiped the tears from her face. The wetness burned his fingertips as if she cried fire instead of water, each drop representing the loss of her innocence, purity, and dreams. He was a little ashamed of the spiteful glee that even cartoon Princesses could be brought low by an ocean god's immutable power, but he couldn't deny the plans unfolding in his mind at this latest development. If in this one thing, Logan was his father's son, poised to capitalize upon the misfortunes of others.

"There are a lot of things I can say, and probably have said, about Ronnie, but this -" he motioned at her still flat belly - "isn't something she'd condone. I can guarantee you that if she knew DK had knocked you up and run out on you, she'd taser his ass so fast and for so long, your baby would feel it in the womb."

Meg shifted away from him, her mulish expression telling him she wasn't listening. It finally made sense to Logan why she'd turned on Veronica this year, when last year she'd been her only 09er champion. He'd chalked it up to jealousy over Duncan dumping her to get back with his ex, but even that hadn't fully explained the bitterness he'd often seen blazoned across her face whenever she ran into the two of them. It made perfect sense, but was stupid because it wasn't Veronica's fault DK was a sniveling coward who didn't own up to his responsibilities.

"Duncan is at fault here, maybe even me. If I hadn't started that stupid war with the PCHers, Ronnie wouldn't have felt like she needed normalcy in her life and would've stayed with me." His mouth tightened in pained remembrance at her repeated attempts to help him, to divert him, to just distract him from the ugly anger beating in place of his heart before she gave up.

"You think she'd rather be with  _you_  than Duncan?"

Logan chose to ignore the incredulity in her voice because he thought of the sidelong glances, the electrifying meeting of the eyes, and the almost brushing of fingertips he shared on a daily basis with Veronica. He knew and understood version 2.0 better than DK ever would, and knew if she weren't so raw over everything (their personal war, surprising revelations, his battles with the PCH bikers) and terrified of the explosive attraction between them, she wouldn't have tried to recapture the supposed good days of their younger selves. If both versions of Veronica had anything in common, it was the desperate need to make all the puzzle pieces fit with squares and circles in their correct pegs.

"I don't think so, Meg. I know it."

Meg looked up at the complicated boy before her and saw the fierce bone deep conviction in his eyes, and something loosened in her chest. She wasn't angry at Veronica, not really, but it was easier to blame the smaller blond than the person truly responsible for the situation she found herself in; getting pregnant needed two people, but it only took one for abandonment. She didn't know what she'd expected when she told Duncan, but him walking out the door without a word and showing up the next day with Veronica on his arm hadn't been it.

"What am I going to do?"

"When I said Veronica can help, I wasn't kidding. It will be a fucking nightmare for everyone involved, but she'll do the right thing. She always does."  _No matter who it hurts._


	3. Chapter 3

Veronica practically crawled through the front door, lifting her messenger bag off her body as soon as she nudged the door closed with her heel, and sitting on the couch with a pained huff. The closest city bus stop was nearly three miles in the wrong direction from her apartment and half way through the walk home, she developed blisters from the nice new shoes she'd donned in anticipation of spending the day with her boyfriend. This was on top of the humiliation of sitting in a vehicle inhabited by Neptune's finest low life scum who eyed her like chum in the water, and she came to the sad realization that despite her fierce rejection of classism, she was too used to the finer things in life to have much in common with those around her. A working car, basic hygiene, and a sufficient grasp of the English language apparently put her far above the touch of her fellow bus riders.

A short hour later found Veronica in a much better frame of mind as she'd showered and dressed more comfortably, mind intent on the carton of Rocky Road ice cream in her lap and the TV remote in her hand. It was times like these when she was glad her father was away and she could brood peacefully without worrying he would walk in and ask her what was wrong. How could she explain to him that there were times she looked at Duncan and couldn't honestly understand who'd he become? They'd only been back together a month, but already she could see what the year apart had done to change them, and it was becoming obvious he was as uncomfortable with the new her as she was with him. He kept expecting her to revert back to the long-haired "Ronnie," who giggled and blushed when someone cursed or made an off-color joke, and gazed adoringly at him as he conquered the world.

That girl wasn't her and hadn't been for a very long time, ever since...

Her mind shied away from  _that night_  because they'd never really discussed the ramifications of their drugged coupling or the chlamydia she'd contracted, or even the fact he knowingly slept with her despite thinking they were blood-related. While part of her was ecstatic her first time was with someone she knew and cared for, it bothered the harder darker Veronica reborn after that experience that she still didn't know why Duncan had the sexually transmitted infection when he was supposedly as virginal as she was. It was a mysterious conundrum she thought about at random times, which caused a slight hitch in the physical department as she wasn't comfortable enough for him do more than kiss her.

Although, thinking about that portion of their relationship, Duncan didn't push for more either. He never really touched her of his own volition; it was always Veronica reaching out to take his hand, touch his arm or hair or murmur how good he looked. He would mouth some platitude but she often thought he gazed through her, or around her shape, as if he was searching for someone, or something else. She sometimes had the fanciful thought he was looking for his sister because the two girls were attached at the hip way back when and it must feel as weird to him as to her for Lilly not to pop out at them with her booming laugh, mocking their innocent ways. Innocence both had lost and would never get back again.

And while she normally wouldn't dare compare the two, the day's events had unsettled her to the point of admitting within the privacy of her mind how much she missed Logan's physicality. He was a restless person who fidgeted constantly unless focused on something – usually surfing or video games, but when they dated, it been her. For someone as shy and self-conscious as she was about her body, he'd made her feel like the most sexually exciting and knowledgeable woman alive, even though they'd never actually made it past the fooling around stage. She used to marvel over how restrained Logan was for a guy who was used to sealing the deal, so to speak, whenever he got naked with a girl. Veronica discreetly fanned herself as some of the more potent memories arose, especially the memory of how Logan's arousal mingled with his cologne until she could no longer distinguish the difference between them and would often become slick with need at just a faint whiff.

Veronica blushed at the tenor of her thoughts and quickly shoved a large mouthful of ice cream into her mouth to stave off the heat, though she knew it was a futile act since she would just dream about him as she had every night since they broke up. It was upsetting, but a large part of her almost welcomed them since it took the place of the nightmares she'd had since Lilly's death. Sexing up Logan Echolls in her unconscious mind was well worth the pangs of guilt she endured during the day if it meant she'd get more than three hours of sleep.

The pealing ring of the cell broke her concentrated effort to pig out on Rocky Road and she waffled between ignoring it and answering, but her decision was taken from her hands when the caller hung up. Annoyed now, she got off the couch and grabbed her phone from her bag to check who it was. Her annoyance turned to bemusement, however, when she saw she'd missed several calls from her dad, Wallace, Mac, Duncan, and even Logan. In fact, he was the last person to dial her number, and it was strange enough she quickly hit redial before she really thought it out. Panic blossomed in her chest as she thought of all the bad reasons why he'd call a cease fire on their renewed hostilities to speak to her.

"Veronica?"

His voice was hoarse and rough, something she hadn't heard since the night he finally accepted his mother's death wasn't a hoax.

"Logan, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" The hysterical laugh threading through his voice didn't calm her at all. "You're dead. Or I thought you were dead. How are you not dead? Am I dreaming? I've been drinking."

"What kind of question is that? Of course I"m not dead. How would I die?"

"Veronica...turn on the news."

She grabbed the unused remote and pressed power, immediately turning it to the local news station, shock lancing through her when she read the breaking news ticker across the screen, proclaiming the accident on the PCH had taken the lives of fifteen Neptune students, their teacher, and the driver when the bus was hit by an out of control big rig and plunged over the side into the ocean. Divers had been dispatched immediately, but so far no bodies were recovered from the site.

"Veronica! Veronica!"

Her attention snapped back to the cell in her hand and she lifted the receiver to her mouth. "Oh God, they're all dead. They're...just...gone."

"Where are you? I'll come to you."

"I'm at home."

Veronica stared fixedly at the tv screen, listening with numb horror as the newscasters attempted to explain the details of the accident with as much information as they had, which didn't seem like a lot because they just kept repeating the same facts over and over. It seemed unreal as if she were watching a movie about a teenage girl's constant brushes with Death that left her unscathed while destroying all those around her.

The hard knock snapped her from her fixation and she gladly sprang from the couch and flew to the door, flinging it open and running into Logan's arms, her face turned to his chest as sobs tore through her small frame with such force, they both vibrated. He spun her around and around until they ended back up on the sofa, tucked around each other as she tried to burrow into his body to dispel her bone-deep chill and he reveled in her living warmth.

Their closeness was natural and joyous, so when her face lifted up to his, he dropped a kiss to her tear-wet mouth, their tongues dueling with sensuous ease. Of all their problems, sexuality was not one of them, and so the paths their fingers and lips took were familiar and welcome. Thought wasn't possible in Veronica's head as she stretched out beneath Logan's hard length, her instincts driving her with a purpose much baser than civilized caution could combat; she wasn't aware much beyond the press of his heated flesh to hers, unsurprised that their clothes had disappeared.

At the last possible second, his head raised and eyes sought hers, the question clear:  _do you want me to?_ It was a line they'd never crossed before and she shyly nodded, shifting her legs higher up on his hips, biting into his chest with a low glad cry when he slid inside. In this brief moment she could let herself know one eternal truth: it had always been him, regardless of anger, distance, and time. It was only right that Logan surrounded her with his glorious scent until she wasn't feeling so alone inside her skin. She immersed herself fully in his inherent carnality until muscle and bone gave way to the inevitable sweet blessed relief that left them gasping and shaking.

Hard hands swept sweaty bangs from her face as soft lips peppered her with sweet drowsy kisses; drowning in his tenderness, she slept.


	4. Chapter 4

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Logan wasn't a morning person by nature  _(even for his beloved waves)_ , but less so when he'd imbibed the night before; however, one important fact about him most people didn't know was he had a deep aversion to beeping of any kind. It didn't matter how soft or loud, it annoyed the shit out of him and could wake him from a dead drunk to full wakefulness in a short period of time. Of course, when alcohol and physical activity were combined, it made his reflexes slower and situational awareness next to nil, or so he assured himself when he found himself sprawled face down after rolling off a bed that was clearly not his California King, in search of the insistent clock.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

This wouldn't be the first time he awoke in a strange room  _(or bed for that matter)_ , but as his eyes adjusted to the low light filtered in behind the curtained window, he realized three things at once: he was stark naked on a run down rug that hadn't been new for at least twenty years, the inhabitant of this space was female, and he was undoubtedly about to die a slow agonizing death at the hands of Sheriff Mars.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Liquid happiness welled in his eyes and he dropped his forehead to the floor in abject thanks to a god he barely acknowledged and rarely spoke to, but felt deserved accolades for this miracle. Somehow, someway, his prayers were answered the night before and Veronica wasn't torn from his grasp like nearly ever other female he...his brain processes halted in shock at the word he almost uttered, even if it was within the privacy of his own mind. How could he possibly feel  _that_  for  _her?_ As usual he was leaping without looking, especially when said girl wasn't even his.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The author of his _(current)_ misery was easily discovered and turned off once he righted himself from the floor. As Logan stood over the bed, flashes of the nigh before came to him: he didn't remember getting to her apartment, but he relived every step from front door to couch to when he complained it was too short for his long legs and they moved to her bedroom. At some point, she'd fallen asleep on top of him, snuggled into his arms, and he'd kissed her forehead before he too passed out. Despite his attempts to blame his actions on alcohol, he knew he hadn't drank as much as he pretended.

He didn't fool himself to think this changed things or Veronica awoke realizing he was the better choice. Last night was her freaking out about her brush with death  _(again)_ and celebrating it in the most primal way. If Duncan was the one at her door instead, she would've done the same thing with him. The wall was as hard as it looked and he mentally reminded himself to get some Spackle to patch up the hole and hope to Christ neither Veronica or her dad would hold it against him; though this time, he thought the Sheriff might overlook it since he'd committed a much graver crime by sullying Veronica's honor or some such old-fashioned bullshit like that  _(though in his heart of hearts he agreed and secretly thought he'd be the same with if_ he _had a daughter)._ He opened and closed his fist a few times to make sure nothing was broken, merely bruised, then grabbed the damp towel hanging over a chair to wrap around his waist. He wouldn't add insult to injury by walking out nude to grab his clothes most likely scattered across the floor next to the couch.

Veronica's impatience with getting him naked had resulted in a slightly torn t-shirt and a scrape across his thighs where his zipper had caught and gripped his leg hair while she was pulling his pants off. He grinned briefly at the hot memory then glared down at his rampant morning wood and scolded the unruly beast, but realized it was having little effect. He was a hormonal teenage male remembering the wild hot monkey sex with the girl of his dreams; it wasn't going down any time soon.

It wasn't until he thought about her dad standing out in the living room with a scowl before he was finally decent enough to leave the sanctuary of her bedroom. He mentally calculated the distance from her door to the couch and how much time he would have before Papa Mars finished loading his shot gun, shoulders slumping when he realized he would never be fast enough. Sangfroid, his bread and butter, was the best way to brazen this situation out.

Opening the door quietly, he frowned when he heard nothing in the next room. The apartment was small and had poor acoustics so he knew he'd have heard something if anyone was there. Logan felt remarkably put upon for waking alone without Veronica, or even her father, to ring a peal over his head for his impetuous actions. He darted to the couch and stopped in surprise when he saw his clothes neatly folded on the cushion. It felt like a slap in the face that Veronica had stopped to pick up the trail of clothing as if wiping away what had happened the evening before.

Logan quickly dressed zipping and buttoning with more force than warranted. He finished and sat on the edge of the couch while wondering  _what now?_ Did he wait until she returned from whatever mysterious errand she was compelled to do at – staring at his watch – nine o'clock on a Saturday morning? Usually his sexual encounters ended as soon as the sweat dried, so he felt a little fish out of water at this juncture, even if it was Veronica.

Maybe because it  _was_ Veronica.

His brooding was interrupted by the jangle of a metal key being slotted into the front door lock. He debated jumping up and opening it for her, but she pushed through, her bright cheerful tone at odds with how he expected to find her. She crossed to the kitchen island, her face scrupulously turned away from him, though he knew she knew he was sitting there.

"Yes I swear to you I'm fine! I wasn't even on the bus when it collided." She waved her hand at whomever she spoke with on her Sidekick and a slight smile turned his lips up at the Veronicaness of it. Logan had always found it both amusing and sexy how she spoke with her whole body. "No, no...I promise...please don't worry...yes! I love you too."

Shock and betrayal through him at her words and he clenched his teeth against the kick to his heart. Of course she loved Duncan. Hadn't he always known that? Known  _he_ was merely the placeholder until her true love returned to her? Why was he surprised she'd uttered the words when he knew she'd loved his ex-best friend since she was twelve?

"Dad, don't leave Vegas. We need that bond money, remember? C'mon Pops, us Mars are tough."

Logan watched her lips shape the word "Dad" and felt like cotton was jammed in his ears as the room lurched weirdly. Apparently he was an idiot _._  He knew better than anyone just how much she adored her father – hadn't he punished her for it quite thoroughly throughout much of the last year?

Then the import of her words struck him; he'd always known she wasn't a true 09er, even when her father was Sheriff, and her apartment now definitely spoke to the meanness of their circumstances since Keith's ousting, but to hear her use money as the reason for her father to stay in another state was breath-taking. He guessed he never really thought about it, even when they were dating, and it brought home to him in a most uncomfortable way how much she'd lost after Lilly died, something he'd always brushed off unless it was a weapon he could ruthlessly use against her.

Scalding shame and a sense of worthlessness took hold then because he knew a lot of her troubles started with him and his need to make someone hurt as much as he hurt. He couldn't even remember any more why he thought she deserved the full weight of his anger and scorn; the Veronica she'd been before  _(before Lilly's death, before the rape)_  had been a slightly spoiled loving girl who's favorite movie was  _The Big Lewbowski_  and who looked to him for friendship and protection. She remembered his shellfish allergy, his favorite skittles were the red and orange ones, and always ate his pears because he loathed them  _(even if she didn't know the reason why until recently)._

"Morning."

Her greeting was quiet and devoid of the bubbly warmth of her earlier tone, and he mourned the lack, until he noticed the bleak blue of her eyes and realized she'd put up a front for her dad so he wouldn't worry.

"Hi."

Did he give her a hug? Maybe kiss her? What exactly were the rules of etiquette for the morning after with your ex-girlfriend who was dating your ex-best friend and had just cheated on her boyfriend in an adrenaline-filled moment because she barely escaped death? He wondered suddenly if Emily Post had ever written anything on this and resolved to read her book at the first opportunity. Or maybe pose the question to  _Dear Abby_  .

_Get a fucking grip, Logan. Quite acting like a nervous virgin._

She raised her hand and he saw the greasy brightly colored paper bag.

"I, uh, got food. I hope you don't mind I used the Xterra since the my car is still in the school parking lot." A flush worked its way through her cheeks. "We don't have any food in the house because I was supposed to to to the store yesterday."

"As long as you didn't scratch the sweet paint job."

"I hope you like Jack's, cause I got you the sausage breakfast combo with a fruit cup, but I didn't get you a drink 'cause I wasn't sure if you'd want coffee, juice, or soda. I find it funny I have no idea what you like first thing in the morning despite how long we've known one another."

"Veronica," he patiently interjected when she took a breath while whirling through the kitchen grabbing plates. Logan desperately wanted to hug her to him, but he knew she would fight him and right now he much preferred anxiety over anger. "We need to talk."

"We are talking."

"No, you're babbling."

She slammed a plate down, her face suddenly wiped clean of expression. "Excuse me if I don't know how to handle this! I've never done..." her hand flicked between them, "...before, especially with someone who is  _not_  my boyfriend. Then when I woke up, I had to call my friends to tell them "no, I'm not dead," and lie to said boyfriend about why I didn't want him coming over. Sorry if I'm not exactly up on the whole "morning after" etiquette."

"What did you tell him to keep him from coming over?"

Veronica averted her gaze. "I needed a daddy-daughter bonding day."

"He doesn't know the Sheriff...er...Mister Mars isn't here?"

"No."

Logan thought back to the days when they dated and she would shyly inform him when her father was out of town. But not Duncan? His eyebrows rose a half inch in surprise. Were things not as perfect as he assumed? He thought back to her curt admission of not having done  _this_  before and he wondered if she meant more than just cheating. Could they not have had sex yet? Was he really her first? It was something he'd obsessed over when they were together because he'd never had a virgin before, much less one who couldn't remember losing her virginity. He'd wanted to make her first  _real_  time memorable.

_Well, if it was last night, it was certainly fucking memorable. Jesus dude, you took her again and again._

Wincing, he hesitantly asked, "Have you had sex before?"

Her pale face turned so red he was almost afraid she was having an apolexy. "Why would you ask that?"

Mouth opened but no words emerged as he played back their conversation from yesterday when she'd clearly implied she had.

She came around the counter with clenched fists. "I thought we got this all out last year. Are you calling me a slut? Or a whore? Am I going to find messages scrawled on my locker and car when I get to school on Monday?"

"Jesus, Ronnie! I was asking because I wanted to make sure I didn't hurt you. Your first time can't be comfortable and me being half in the bag doesn't fucking help!"

"Oh." She came within a hands breath from his seated position on the couch and he clenched  _his_ fists to keep from reaching for her. "Uh no. Duncan...I...no." Her eyes briefly looked up at him then down at the ground. "You didn't hurt me at all, Logan. It was..."

This time he didn't mistake her blush and grinned proudly. "You had a good time then?"

"Do we really have to talk about it? It happened and it'll never happen again."

_Never again. Never again. Never again._

The words echoed in his head and quickly converted pride to bitterness.

"So I guess I'm your dirty little secret? Ironic really. One Kane cheated on me and now I'm cheating on the other."

"Fuck you Logan."

"Well since you asked so nicely. I think I have another condom in in my wallet..."

Horror seized him.  _Fuck! Please be gone, please be gone, please be gone._  Logan was so frantic he didn't realize he was chanting under his breath as he opened the slim leather and saw his condoms stashed in the usual place. He raised stricken eyes to Veroncia's puzzled face.

"We didn't use any protection. You could be pregnant!"

"Not likely, Logan. I, uh, got on the Pill when we started dating the first time and never got off it."

Her admission stunned him for a moment and he slumped back against the couch. Then a thought occurred to him.

"You know it's not one hundred percent effective." He spanned the distance between them and flattened his palm on her lower abdomen, thinking of another blond. "You have to come to me if you find yourself pregnant. I don't want you going through it alone."

Veronica froze at his touch before slowly backing up. "Well, I should ask you if I'm gonna have any other problems. You know like Chlamydia."

Logand didn't fully understand her caustic tone, but responded evenly. "No, I get tested every six months and normally suit up before the big game. You're an aberration."

"Great! Something I always wanted to be – Logan Echolls' aberration."

"Ronnie..."

"How do you know you always use protection? Even when drunk?"

"Yes."

"But not last night?"

"I didn't exactly come here expecting sex."

"Why  _did_  you come here? Why should you care if I was alive or dead. I seem to recall you saying I was a heartless bitch and I should die."

"Really? Fucking hell, Ronnie. Do you ever let things go? Excuse me if I was a little upset about being blamed for my ex-girlfriend's death by my current one. 'Sides that was  _months_  ago! You were my friend at one point and we dated. You might be with Duncan, but is it against the law for me to still care about you?"

She put on her mysterious Mars face, which he knew meant her mind was working overtime to figure a loop hole in his words. She would probably find a law stating it  _was_  illegal for Logan Echolls to care about Veronica Mars.

Sighing, he dropped his head into his hands as images from yesterday played in his mind's eye:

_Meg had eventually tired, but seemed oddly reluctant to return home, so he brought her back to his pool house and flipped on the television to give them something to do. He hadn't spent this much time in her presence before and had run out of things to talk about to her; she may look like the old Ronnie, but she definitely didn't have her personality._

_Finally hunger had driven him to the kitchen where he made sandwiches and grabbed chips and apples Mrs. Navarro had bought at the market the day before. He'd brought it back and was arranging it on the coffee table when an urgent news story had flashed across the screen, interrupting whatever they were watching._

_He read the words and listened to the newscasters, but it seemed oddly surreal as if he were watching a movie about a teen boy constantly losing those he cared for. Meg gripped his arm as tears poured down her face – he couldn't handle being touched so he shook her off and grabbed his phone, pressing the second key where Veronica's number was stored. She didn't answer and it just kept ringing until the voice mail finally kicked in._

Maybe she couldn't get to her phone _, he thought as he redialed again and again, only hearing her voice when she asked him to leave his name and number. There was no reason for her to be dead, not when he just spoke to her earlier today. She was probably caught up in a case or screening her calls._

_He had just hung up again when it rang and he instantly picked up._

"Veronica?"

"No, Duncan."  _The weary tone of his voice coupled with the telling silence nearly crushed Logan. The last time he got a phone call like this, it was Veronica calling to tell him about Lilly. "_ She was on the bus, Logan. I saw her get on it myself. "

"She's not dead. You know Veronica. She probably got off the bus because she saw a mystery in progress and had to investigate."

"We – Dick, Beav, Gia and I – got a limo back but she wouldn't go."

"Well no shit Sherlock."  _The anger startled Meg and she backed away from him, wringing her hands, but he couldn't concentrate on her when he wanted to throttle Duncan. "_ Why the fuck would she want to be in the same place with them?"  _He had forgiven Dick for his part in Veronica's almost rape because he knew how drunk his friend was that night and he wouldn't have done it if sober._ "So, you're telling me this is your fault, huh? You were supposed to pro-protect her."  _He hated the quiver in his voice, but it took everything in him not to break down and cry like Meg._

"Fuck you Logan."

"No, fuck  _you_  Duncan."

_There was no satisfaction in hanging up on the bastard so he turned off his phone in case Duncan tried to call back and renew the argument._

"Duncan's alive?"

"Unfortunately."

_Her sobs were loud and ugly and snapped Logan from his funk for a moment because he worried it wasn't good for the baby. She collapsed in his arms and he tentatively embraced her, not used to hugging a girl platonically._

"I thought you were pissed at Duncan."

"It doesn't change how I feel about him."

_Meg's words struck Logan as absurdly profound for such a simple statement. Wasn't that the same for him towards Veronica?_

"She's not dead. I would know."

"Do you really believe that, Logan?"

 _He did. No matter how things ended between them, he firmly believed Veronica belonged with him, and him with her. It was only a matter of getting_ her _to believe it, which he wouldn't be able to if she were dead._ Which she wasn't. She just fucking couldn't be.

_Eventually Meg stopped her tears and then freaked out when she realized how late it was. Logan wanted nothing more than to climb into a bottle, but refrained from drinking until he was free of the blond. Her request to be dropped off a block from her house puzzled him momentarily then slipped his mind when he got home. He opened his father's liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of the most expensive whiskey before driving to Dog Beach._

_It seemed all of the worst moments of his life happened here: the first time he realized Lilly was cheating on him, when he confronted Veronica for suspecting him in Lilly's death, and now trying to understand why God hated him. It seemed like he traded one bad father for another because he was still being punished for being born, yet the words to the prayers his Catholic mother taught him, fell from his lips anyway._

_It seemed sad to sit at the waterline and play a game of "_ I Never" _with ghosts_ of  _Lilly, Ronnie, and the DK he used to know so he dialed her number one more time and listened to her voice._

_This time when the phone rang, it was her on the end of the line, verifying his gut's certainty she couldn't be dead._

"Logan! Logan!"

"What?"

"You zoned out on me."

Logan blinked, registering the change from nighttime beach to morning in Veronica's apartment, grateful to be shed of the tearing grief.

"I was thinking about how Meg and I heard about the bus crash."

"You were with Meg?" Adrift in phantom emotional pain, he failed to hear the tone Veronica took or notice the strange look in her eyes.

"Yeah, we ditched the trip together. She's beside the fucking point. I know we're not dating but I still...think...about you."  _I miss you._

The bitter snort was surprising. "I'm sure you do, Logan. Right before you fuck your next bimbo."

"Your jealousy is showing."

"It's not jealousy! I'm just concerned with your decisions lately, especially since you started the war with the PCHers."

"They started it!"

"By touching your precious Xterra?"

"You were in the fucking vehicle too and could've been seriously hurt."

Her mouth gaped in amazement, though he wasn't sure if it was at his shouted words or at him gripping her shoulders tightly. He fought his instincts which clamored for him to hug her and slowly, finger by finger, let go of her, desperately aware of how small and fragile she was in comparison. Normally it was a fact he appreciated because it made him feel protective and manly, but now it just made him understand how easily she could be hurt or killed.  _Especially with that fucking idiot not watching out for her._

"Logan - "

He watched in amazement as the hard angry blue of her eyes lightened and softened into the color of the ocean at dawn; there was something there, something he could just sense and hungered for.

"Logan, I -" she tried again, but the vibrating knock at her door interrupted and both turned to look at it in bewilderment.

"Expecting someone?"

Her head shook once before stepped to the peep hole and looked through.

Logan wasn't surprised when the door swung open and he saw Duncan standing on her doorstep.

It was just his fucking luck striking  _(out)_  again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written and rewritten this chapter a few times before I threw up my hands and said screw it. I didn't realize how difficult it would be balancing Logan's mixed emotions until I actually tried to portray it. I'm coming back rusty as a two cent nail so it's better if I just write it, set it, and forget it. Also, just to clear up a minor point: I know Veronica doesn't find out about her Chlamydia until Season 2 "Look Who's Stalking," (much further along than where I began my story), but I wanted her to find out about it earlier because it raises questions for her about Duncan she readily can't answer (plus, I didn't want her unwittingly passing it on to Logan). Now I don't normally use author notes to explain my decisions in my stories, but this one bothered me enough to exert myself.


	5. Chapter 5

Oddly the first thought she had when opening the door to Duncan on her doorstep was that she wished she hadn't awakened early this morning. Maybe if she'd lingered in bed rather than rushing out, she wouldn't have heard her boyfriend knocking. It was a flickering thought, but it shamed her because she  _didn't_  feel shame about her erotic play with Logan. If anything, her body felt pleasantly loose in ways she couldn't explain to anyone who hadn't had sex; now she understood Lilly's compulsion in returning to him again and again despite her inability to remain faithful for longer than a few months.

It was nothing like how her mother explained one long ago afternoon when she was on the cusp of womanhood, stunned and afraid of the rusty stains in her underwear. Babies and sex and birds and bees were anathema to the rough and tumble tomboy she'd been, who'd rather run roughshod over the legion of boys surrounding her than touch them with affection. Lianne had laughed a little sadly at her assertion, saying she thought like this now, but it would soon change just like her body.

When she learned how the stork reaped a child from under a cabbage leaf  _(the stork being revealed as a penis and the leaf a woman's womb)_ , Veronica had crossed her eyes and snorted in disgust. Yet less than a year later, she'd met Duncan and Lilly and Logan and was set on the crash course which led to this moment, with Duncan at the threshold looking as princely as the Disney characters of her childhood, and Logan's prowling energy barely leashed at her back.

Seeing him sleep was surreal because he looked so vulnerable. His potency was chained by the fragile barrier of his eyelids, and his lashes swept the high zygomatic arches which gave his face such character, folding into the long slender blade of a nose, marred by a single bump. Her finger had skated down that slope before landing on the soft plumpness of his lips – they were neither thick nor thin, but somewhere in between, with the top being a fraction fuller than the bottom in direct contradiction of the usual state of lips. It encapsulated his contrary nature, and she experienced a curious tender pain which urged her to lick and lap at him until he opened those deep soulful orbs and they began their dance anew.

It was this urgent need which finally broke through her sexual and emotional haze, harrying her from his side to the shower stall, where she forced herself to wash him from her skin, though she had a sneaking suspicion he sunk himself past the surface layers into the very marrow of her bones. The prospect of cosmic twinness terrified her because she refused to allow anyone  _(who wasn't Lilly)_  to know her like that again. The snap of anger and fear burned brightly and she clutched at the shield with thankfulness because she felt too exposed, as if Logan had found a gaping hole in her defenses.

But regret didn't fill her then, or even now facing her boyfriend's guileless eyes. This conscious decision to use her body as she willed was independent of her relationship with anyone else, including Logan himself. It was her first step down the inevitable path of owning the red dress  _(not simply wearing it like she had in the past year)_  Lilly had urged her to buy so many times.

So with this conviction in mind she was able to calmly greet Duncan, drained of the jittery energy engendered by the very real desire to fuck Logan again or tear him to shreds with her teeth for daring to touch her  _(in so many ways)_ , and was herself again.  _Whatever that means._

"Duncan, what are you doing here?" She drew him in with hands that held Logan's maleness, claiming him in an innately female way, and her palms itched as they brushed Duncan's cotton blended sleeves.

The hug he swept her into was stifling as if her body had grown beyond his capability to hold her, but Veronica accepted it, and let him drop his face to her shoulder where he murmured insensible phrases of thankfulness. Her eyes lifted and tangled with Logan's, the memory of him doing the same as he shuddered with completion blazed between them until a slight sheen of moisture dotted her hairline while he licked his lips, eyelashes dropping sensuously low even as his rangy body turned towards her.

 _Don't you look, don't you dare look!_  But her sensible inner voice couldn't combat the raging hormones freed at last, and her gaze flitted down his wide shoulders, lean waist, to the spot below his belt line urgent and thick with blood.

She stepped free of Duncan's grasp and closed the door, suddenly and violently wishing both boys were on the other side. Her life was out of control, had been for a long time now, and she wanted off the ride, just for a moment, but she knew it wasn't possible.

Veronica felt the instant Duncan realized Logan's presence and braced herself for the fall.  _This_  was her penance for breaking the covenant of faithfulness, watching the former friends size each other up like gunfighters at high noon. A brief bark of unamused laughter exploded from her mouth with the force of a bullet as she imagined the tumbleweed blowing between their alert bodies.

"What are you doing here?"

The venom in her boyfriend's voice was shocking, a slap of acid against tender skin. She'd never heard that tone before and it frightened her in a way she never thought Duncan could. This was the boy whose parents thought had killed his sister, the boy Logan watched choke his father.

Logan, on the other hand, remained opaque, mobile mouth lifted into an insouciant smirk.

"Breakfast," he smoothly lied, pointing at the bag she had brought in earlier. "Thought I'd see how our girl was doing."

Three aggressive steps brought Duncan within chest bumping distance from Logan. Veronica half-lifted her hand towards her ex as if to pull him to safety, but neither boy saw her instinctive reaction.

"There's no  _our_  in this equation. She's  _my_  girlfriend, not yours. Deal with it and get on with your life."

"That's not what she said last night."

The silky words spoken in a suggestive tone couldn't be mistaken for anything less than betrayal. Veronica eyes slid shut as she finally recognized the look on Logan's face: raging jealousy. She'd always known that once he considered something his, it was  _his_ : it was this possessiveness that provoked some of Lilly's more outrageous stunts because she considered it a cage. For Veronica, during those heady days of summer, it made her feel special and wanted, as it filled a need she hadn't known existed. She didn't know why she thought he'd keep their mistake a secret, but she had and now he'd let the cat out of the bag.

"What did you say?"

Logan chuckled, seemingly unbothered by Duncan being in his personal space. "Relax DK. I'm not moving in on your Precious. I was checking up on her and wanted to see if she needed anything." He let his words sink in, then continued. "We broke up, but she's still my friend."

"Since when?"

His smirk left his face as bitterness veiled his velvety brown eyes. "I don't have many, so I like to keep tabs on the ones I have left."

Duncan frowned and swung back to Veronica. "I thought you said you were spending the day with your dad?" He looked pointedly around the small living room. "I don't see him  _here."_

The almost peaceful feeling she'd had before his arrival fled, and Veronica felt like the letter "A" was stamped on her forehead for Duncan to see, which invoked a brief moment of respect for Lianne's acting abilities.  _How did she carry on torrid twenty year affair with Jake Kane without letting Dad know?_  She'd never talked about her mother with Keith after she left the second time, so it wasn't exactly something she could just go up and ask him. Besides, she didn't want to hurt him like that if he didn't know; though given what a good detective he was, she couldn't imagine him  _not_  knowing.

It was a measure of her distraction that she stared dumbly at him, her normally facile tongue quiet of easy lies over this charged moment. The only time in the past day she felt truly present in her life was earlier in Logan's arms, which so scared her she immediately shoved the thought away and tried to come up with a plausible answer to her boyfriend's question.

"He received a call right when I got here and Veronica convinced him to go. Something about a bounty hunt in Vegas. He didn't want to leave of course, but Sugar puss pointed out how much they needed the money." Logan sighed dramatically and threw up his hands as if to say  _poor people, what are you gonna do?_

Suspicion left Duncan's face and he nodded because he knew how much the Mars depended on each job for their livelihood.

"Not to change the subject to save myself embarrassment or anything, but what are  _you_  doing here?"

Duncan eased back and went to the couch. Veronica tried not to make eye contact with Logan because he sat in the exact spot they'd had sex.

"I just kept thinking of how upset you were yesterday about the stupid limo thing." He shrugged and looked up at her through long lashes. "I couldn't stand that the last words we had were acrimonious."

"Woo, someone's been reading his Word of the Day calendar."

"Logan!" Veronica snapped over Duncan's snarl. "Thank you for stopping by, but I think we need to be alone."

"I agree." Logan walked over to the door and she let out a discreet breath at how easy he was making this. She knew it wasn't the end, of course, but at least she'd have some time to figure out exactly what  _this_  was and how to spin it.

"Duncan, it was great you came over to apologize, but you heard Ronnie. We need to be alone."

Later when she was trying to explain the situation to her dad, she couldn't exactly tell him the blow by blow as she never saw Duncan leap from the couch and barrel into Logan, nor did she see anything when they both crashed into the door frame and cracked it. It just happened too fast. However, she was fully aware, and screaming at them to stop, when they tumbled down the stairs in a flurry of feet, arms, legs, and fists, their punches and gouges and strikes continuing unabated when they thumped to the bottom. Duncan might've been heavier and stockier than Logan, but Logan had reach and height and sheer rage on his side; Veronica's hand on his arm was the only thing that stopped him from continuing to pummel Duncan's face from his seated position on his chest.

"He's already unconscious! You'll kill him!"

Logan looked up at her, blood streaming from a cut beside his eye and a ragged tear on his mouth. "You'd like that, wouldn't you Ronnie? Getting me arrested again, but this time for the right thing. Two Echolls men you've put away for murder."

Veronica flinched away, tucking her arms around her waist.

He looked at her face and swore, standing up and wiping the blood from his face. "Fuck, I didn't mean it. It's just..."

"It's just...it's just...what Logan? A giant mistake? This, us, last night, we don't work."

"Are you sure? I may have been half-drunk last night but what happened between us was fucking incredible. What were you going to tell me before he knocked?"

"What?"

"You were going to say something to me. You said my name twice. What were you going to say?"

She'd never seen his brown eyes so serious and passionate before; it was dizzying looking at him, like she could see his soul peeking out at her.

"Ronnie."

"Veronica."

"Huh?"

"Don't call me Ronnie any more. I'm Veronica to you. Ronnie's dead."

A bitter smile curved his ruined lips, and she almost flinched again from the pain in his eyes.

"I guess you're right. Ronnie  _is_  dead. Long live Veronica."

 _It's better this way. It_ is! She insisted to herself as she watched him walk away, barely aware of a stirring Duncan at her feet. This was the normal she chose and if she forgot it for a while last night, she could be forgiven since she had escaped certain death.

The laughter echoing in her brain sounded a lot like a scoffing Lilly.

"Veronica?"

She snapped out of her Logan induced daze and bent down to help her broken boyfriend to his feet, cooing over his wounds, and promising retribution. By the time he'd hobbled back into her apartment, Veronica had re-centered herself and realized what a stupid mistake she'd made. One she would have to make up to Duncan, though she couldn't tell him what she'd done.

_Who knew Veronica Mars could be like me? Love it!_

_Lilly, I made a terrible terrible mistake. I can't believe I cheated on Duncan._

_Oh stop. Logan's sooo much hotter than Donut. He's the one for you._

_He's yours, Lilly. Always has been, always will be._

_I'm dead Veronica. He can't be mine any more, it's not healthy. He loves_ you _now, not me._

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Veronica turned a stormy blue gaze to her boyfriend's face and wondered why she always heard Lilly the clearest when she was with him.

"Here's the ice pack," she responded gently, ignoring his question. She sat down and allowed him to pillow his head on her lap. "I could kill Logan for this."

Duncan smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I don't know what came over me. I just snapped. He kept making it seem like, you know, he'd been  _with you."_ His earnest gaze swept her pale features. "You two never...when you were dating...you know..."

_Fucked? Had wild monkey sex? Made passionate love? It's not difficult to say, Duncan._

_There's the Veronica Mars I know and love._

_Shut up, Lilly._

She shook her head, perhaps a little regretfully, though she kept the sentiment to herself. Logan had obviously earned his Masters in Body Language because he never pushed her too far or too fast, which frankly surprised her, both before  _and_  after he found out about the non-rape. She knew from hearing stories from Lilly exactly how often he wanted sex and exactly what he liked, so she was hesitant to trust him in that way, but it turned out better than she could've ever hoped for. When they broke up, she wasn't at the point of going all the way, but Veronica was honest enough with herself to admit he probably would've gotten her there sooner rather than later.

_And looky there, he did get you after all!_

_I swear, you're chattier even dead than when you were alive._

"Good. I mean, I know you two were dating, but I like knowing you've only been mine."

Veronica was surprised by the fierce gladness her first time wasn't with Duncan.  _Well, the one I can remember at least,_ a snide voice pointed out, which she immediately buried. She was happy to be with Duncan, she  _was!_

Eager to change the subject, she looked towards the crookedly hanging door and wondered if their landlord would be able to fix the damage before her dad got home. Her dad's usual skip traces lasted two to three days tops, and the landlord didn't work on the weekends, so it wouldn't be until Monday or Tuesday at the earliest he'd be able to get to it. She didn't feel comfortable staying in the apartment when the door couldn't lock properly but where else was she going to go?

"I'll be right back," she promised, before laying his head on a cushion, and going into the other room with her phone, where she scanned through the contacts list until she hit upon a single name.

" _Lo?"_

"So, remember your offer for a little girl-bonding time? I think I'll take you up on that."

" _Really? Sure! It'll give me relief from my annoying brother."_

Veronica grimaced at the note in Mac's voice, because she suspected pity, but at this point she'd take anything if she could scam a place to sleep peacefully.

"Also, I was thinking, since my dad's gone, wanna turn it into a real girl-on-girl moment and do a slumber party? Dad took Backup with him on his bail run, so I'm free to come over. "

" _I've got the feather pillows, you bring the lacy undies. Need me to come pick you up?"_

"Nah, Duncan's here, he'll drive me over there. Maybe tomorrow we can get my car back from school?"

" _Duncan huh?"_

"It's a long story I'll tell you over Chunky Monkey."

" _Make it Rocky Road and you have a deal."_

She hit the end button with a satisfied smile, glad to have at least one sympathetic ear who wasn't connected in some way to the past and could possibly offer sound advice.

"You could've come over and stayed with me, Veronica," Duncan quietly commented from the doorway. She whipped around and saw he was steady on his feet this time.

"Oh yes, I'm sure that would've turned out well. Exactly how would you tell your mom your girlfriend is staying over? Go up to her and say "Oh hey mom, I know you hate her guts, but she's staying here."

It was the guilty expression that clued her in. "You haven't told your parents we're back together?"

"Uh...it's difficult to explain..."

"No, it's pretty simple: Hey mom, I know you hate her guts, but I love her and we're dating again. If they don't know, how  _were_ you going to explain me being in the house?"

"They're in Napa Valley on business."

"Of course they are."

"Veronica, I swear. I  _will_  tell them, just not right now. It's a difficult time for them with everything and the business. You understand, right?

For some reason as she stood there and watched him speak, she had a vision as to what their future would be like, him a State Senator and her the adoring wife at his side, him explaining,  _no, I can't come home tonight because I have to work. Tell Susie I'll make it up to her and I promise I'll be there for her next ballet recital. She'll understand._  The image scared her so much she immediately shook her head to dispel the image, barely realizing Duncan had taken it as negation of his statement.

"Veronica, c'mon, You know I love you, right? I will tell them, I promise."

During her day-dreaming, he'd tottered to her and hugged her into his chest, kissing the top of her head. Veronica allowed him the physical closeness despite her very real irritation because she was still feeling incredibly guilty over the whole Logan fight and didn't want to disturb his wounds.

_Of course it doesn't mean anything he doesn't tell his parents about us. It's not like when Logan and I were outed as a couple and he told his friends they were dead to him if they didn't accept me. Social rejection has nothing on family rejection._

"Okay, I'll let you get away with it for now, but if you don't tell them soon I'm gonna drive over and let them know ala a stereo over my head."

His laugh was pain-filled, but genuine, and if she was still dissatisfied by it, it didn't mean anything.

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was originally posted at Fanfiction.net and I never transferred it over here. Now that I'm coming back to the fandom, I thought I'd go through my old stories and start working on them again. October was a crazy month for me, but November is shaping up to be pretty chill so I might actually have time to write!


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